Self discipline

Most of the time, I'm just a normal, type A perfectionist, but lately I've had the feeling that I'm too much of a hardass.  But in my own defense, I truly think my rigorous self discipline is the only way I can possibly accomplish everything on my plate right now. 

Here is a typical weekday in the life of Samantha. 
From 8am - 4pm every day I'm at work, which has been quite busy lately because I've been working on not only my own projects, but also re-doing the experiments of a co-worker to confirm her results.  I've also been trying to complete a draft of a scientific journal article describing the project that I've been working on for the past 2 years.

Obviously, while I'm at work I'm not able to attend to much in my personal life.  At the end of the day, I leave work, get changed into workout clothes, and immediately go to the gym.  I do 45 - 60 minutes of exercise which is generally a combination of using the eliptical machine, lifting weights, squats, and push ups.  I leave the gym by 6pm, unless I have to go grocery shopping for me and John for the week.  At some point, I return to the apartment, shower, then start cooking dinner, or John may be able to cook dinner if he's home.  Dinner's done by 7:30pm or so, then my "free" time starts.  Usually, John and I use the rest of the night to catch up on all the shows we've recorded on our DVR.  If I'm being a hardass, I'll dedicate 1-2 hours of my "free" time to either wedding planning activities or house hunting activities.  Inevitably, it gets late, I go to sleep and wake up to do it all again.

I shouldn't be surprised that I've fallen into such a strict routine.  Throughout my life I've had friends (and even my Dad once upon a time) tell me that I have to "loosen up" or "just relax" and "it'll all work out."  Well guess what? I agree!  Take tonight for example.  John is working until 8pm or 9pm tonight.  I came home after work and did 45 minutes of vigorous yoga in lieu of going to the gym.  I've eaten dinner and ..... here I sit.  I have the night to myself.... to do whatever I want, and I feel obligated to do wedding stuff or house hunting stuff or clean the apartment or something.  It's because I'm a hardass. 

 Now, before you get all depressed and try to rescue me, I do manage to have fun, mostly because of my fiance, John.  Together, we've done muay thai kickboxing, aikido, and have become big roller derby fans (and now John is a derby man himself, on the Albany men's team).  He's introduced me to the world of movies and together we've watched more movies than I ever would have watched on my own.  We're planning to take some pottery classes together (side note: the pottery studio is run by a derby girl, B-Side Blaze).  He knows that I miss having a yard / garden, which is not possible in apartment life, and he arranged for us to have a plot in the local Community Garden.  John brings me joy.  When he has to work late because of an event at the performing arts center, he's been known to bring home yummy desserts from the cafe for me.  He supports me and comforts me and reminds me to have fun and I love him.  So in the end, maybe I'm not such a hardass afterall.